The Desk Potato's Food Guide
As a Desk Potato, you have specialized nutritional requirements. Although modern wisdom is that variety is the key to good nutrition, the Desk Potato prefers the traditional method of categorizing foods into Food Groups, and recommending that you maintain a pseudo-random distribution of samples from each of the major groups.
Caffeine Molecule (1,3,7-trimethylxanthine)
Recently there has been talk of requiring a label on food products containing caffeine: "WARNING: Danger to health increases with amount drunk. -- Avoid swallowing.". This is primarily due to concerns over the health risks associated with second-hand coffee.
While caffeine can be toxic in large doses, it is eliminated from the body quite rapidly. The lowest known fatal dose of caffeine was reported to be 3200 mg., which would be equivalent to drinking 3 (12 cup) pots of coffee in one sitting, however the 18th century philosopher Voltaire was reported to drink fifty to seventy cups per day.
Aside from the meat-and-potatoes basics of the burger and fries symbiosis, the ever popular pizza is such an important part of the Desk Potato's diet that it almost deserves a group of it's own. Desk Potato trainees can practice ordering pizza by creating virtual pizzas with The Internet Pizza Server.
The most empty of the empty calorie foods is the generic cheesy-puff. This
amazing product of modern technology is essentially cheese flavored air. A giant bowl of
these cheese-flavored dust bunnies has virtually no mass. The perfect Desk Potato snack --
virtual food! (Note: These are not to be confused with Hawkin's Cheezies®, which have
both mass and density).
The gummy is a pure energy in an easy-to-transport solid gel. The purpose of the gummy is infuse the Desk Potato with that extra kick to get past the 4am blues. gummy technology is a highly evolved food form, replacing the older, "sugar" group. In a pinch, lesser sugar forms (chocolate is not a lesser sugar) can be substituted. The gummy group includes not just Gummy Bears, but also such varieties as gummy colas, sour keys, sour peaches, floral gums, wine gums, and so much more.
Chocolate contains two (or more in some cases) variations of caffeine, both a stimulant and a smooth-muscle relaxant. It contains fat (take-out group) and a variety of sugars (gummy group). A single chocolate bar can contain all of your important "ose"s (dextrose, fructose, sucrose, lactose) and "ene"s (caffeine, theophylline, theobromine, guaranine) in one single source. Don't stay home without it!
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